The other things we won't say to each other
by prolixius5
Summary: This one follows "Soapy Scene: the hardest thing to tell"... Their conversation was too casual at the time, what was really on their mind? OS. Complete. Thanks a lot for your precious R&R.


**The other things we won't say to each other...**

_Yeah, I heard you, Buddy! It's a beautiful sunset. But every color of MY mood spectrum is turning into a dark blur.  
__Right now, I wish I was home, lying in my own couch, trying to figure out what went wrong in this world, what chain of events lead to Helen's death.  
I know you mean well but you also know I'd rather sulk alone for a while until I need your presence again, which won't be long._

I feel so clumsy. I wish I could find the words which would not sound soppy. My behavior during the last few days was not adequate, to say the least. First I let my temper carry me away because of a stupid computer system malfunction. And I've been standing there, trying to think of ways to soothe his sorrow. What a useless wager!

_I can hear the words you utter, your "more colorful speech", but my mind is focusing on what I talked about with her. We had good times together.  
Even though our careers could have gotten in the way and even though we were arguing the hard way from time to time.  
At some point, we even had plans. You know, move in together, getting married, buying a house, having kids.  
Okay, U was a bit hesitant about the last part, but there were times when I seriously considered the possibility to settle down and build my own family.  
It just happened she took a different direction and we went our separate ways.  
But, I tell ya, she was a serious candidate for putting a leash around Starsky's neck._

I hope I can help you out that blues soon. I know you have a hard time to let me in, so comfortably wrapped up in your pain. I can see how much it hurts, because of the tears you are not crying. I know you all too well, Babe. Shall I avow that I called your mother yesterday and told her about the misery you're stuck with? You know, she found the right words and she also acknowledged you would not be ready to hear them from you. Partly because you're stubborn and proud. But also because you don't wanna worry her with the idea that such potential danger might happen to you too. You should know better, partner! She was a cop's wife... and she is still a cop's mother. Dammit, Starsk, talk to me!!

_When you told me Helen was gone and Dobey wanted us off the case and I fought to stay on, frankly, I was not sure I could make it without blowing someone's head for real.  
T__hen it suddenly hit me more than I expected. So many reflections crashed in my mind at once.  
You and I are cops, we face danger every day, and we can get killed anytime.  
If we get close to someone special, that someone could be threatened as well.  
I watch your back, you watch mine. We trust each other with our lives.  
There is no doubt about that! But what about getting involved with a girl one day, I mean seriously involved...  
and she gets hurt because of what we do, because of what we are?  
Losing Helen already makes my heart bleed.  
Would I be ready to see my wife get hurt or killed?  
How could I stand seeing your beloved facing danger, ever? Shall I quit this before it's too late?_

Then it was my turn to set Rachel's mind at rest, promising her that nothing happened to you, except that mourning you need to accomplish. And I also promised her that I would watch over you, take care of you, like a mother. She laughed. I could hear the relief in the smile I could not see. I understood she trusts me. She is a wonderful woman. You won't be happy when I tell you I contacted her and I don't care. Because she gave me the clue. You'll never guess why I wanted to get home by myself last bight. I had some shopping to do. You may not be ready to let me in into your heart, but I have the perfect recipe for your morale. Here, let me light a candle.

_I should drag my body from this couch, split and get back to my place. I know I'll be okay tomorrow, or the day after.  
Because I always do. But something is holding me back. Maybe the ambiance. Or his presence. Or the gorgeous light coming from outside.  
Or is it that smell? Gee, it smells awfully good. And what are these candles for?...  
I got it! I really should leave now. He's expecting someone... and by the look on his face, it must be someone special.  
Starsk, you're nothing but a selfish dumb. Blondie has the right to have a life without you sometimes. So get the hell outa here!_

…

- What are the candles for? You expecting someone?

_I've been listening to your nice and sweet life philosophy._

_I wish I could feel as relaxed as you do right now._

- Yeah, that's why we're eating early.

_Hey, I've been spending enough time preparing all this, and you'd better enjoy it._

· Oh, what time am I leaving?

_I knew I shouldn't have come. _

_I'm being selfish; he's got a date, and every right to enjoy an evening _

_without having me moping around._

- Look at this.

_I sure hope this is gonna do well to your stomach and bring warmth to your heart._

- Hey! That's my favorite. How'd you know?

_Now this is a sight for sore eyes. Blondie, you'll never stop to amaze me._

_Where are your soya milkshakes?_

- I called your mother.

_I think this time you can not blame me on my cooking menu!_

- You called my mother?

_How could you do this behind my back? Yet, this is the sweetest idea you had._

_Warms my heart to know you'd dare to trespass the limits my private life to rescue me, Babe._

_I feel like taking you in my arms and let you feel I'm sorry for being so bluesy_

_And thank you for being you, just the way you are._

- She calls it the Paul Muni special.

_I know you're gonna blame me for calling her, but I had to find a way to make you feel better; she told me you loved this and she was cooking it each time you had gone through a hard time back there, in New York. Actually, we had a long talk about you. And she understands there is little I don't know, you're so precious to me, but I won't show tonight. Because right now, you need to let go of Helen and all the pain. Right now, it's just time to share a delicious moment together. I'd better think of something to say, to prevent my feelings to show too soon._

- Eat your vegetables.

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The End.


End file.
